


Cry Little Sister

by ButterflySunrider



Series: Cry Little Sister [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: And Introducing Hoshiko Tesfaye, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Beel is a Deadpan Snarker, Biracial Character, Demisexuality, Diavolo is a Chessmaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Ethical Demonic Pacts, F/M, Falling In Love, Families of Choice, First Love, Fluff and Smut, I veer a little offscript but that's what fanfic is for amirite, Levi Needs to Fucking Chill, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Luke is Babie, MC is Everyone's Therapist, Mammon deserves love, Mammon is a Goddamn Cinnamon Roll Fite Me, Mammon is a Switch, Mephistopheles is a Sleaze, My First Work in This Fandom, Name-Calling, No Belphie Yet, Nurturing Asmo, Orphan MC, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Pet Names, Physical Abuse, Romantic Soulmates, Satan is Touch-Deprived, Satan is a Cat Person, Solomon is a Shifty Mofo, Stop Calling Me a Normie, The Demon Brothers Are So Dysfunctional, Those Witches Are Going Down, Trope-a-Licious, True Love, Whirlwind Romance, Work In Progress, Work Wasn't Beta-ed Because my Friends Are Flakes, Work in Multiple Parts, love heals, lucifer needs therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:55:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24627379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflySunrider/pseuds/ButterflySunrider
Summary: Hoshiko Tesfaye had just received her acceptance letter from the Sorbonne when she has been unceremoniously whisked away to The Devildom and assigned to live with a very dysfunctional family of demon brothers. Of course, it's her luck to fall head over heels in love with the scummiest one of them all.
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Cry Little Sister [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780564
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	1. Record Scratch

I hit the ground running.

As always, I was fast...but I could never be fast enough to outrun Mammon’s desperate pleas ringing out into the Devildom twilight, begging me to come back. The second most powerful demon lord was no slouch when push came to shove, and even with the binding I put on him, it took the rest of his younger siblings (sans Belphegor, of course) combined to hold him back, to keep him from going after me. Lucifer stood to the side, paralyzed by indecision.

I don’t know why I looked behind me. “Now you’ve gone and broken his heart” my mind screamed, “It’s hopeless. YOU’RE HOPELESS!”

I waited for the Still Small Voice, the voice I’d heard in my head my whole life, my Defender, the only thing standing in the way between me and my penchant for self-destruction. It started to dawn on me that She wasn’t coming back…

Almost there…

Up ahead was the Cliffs of Insanity. It’s not as bad as it sounds. Everything here has a sinister name, no matter how pleasant it might actually be. Below was the Sea of Despair (see?), which was, well, an ocean of sorts. Purple and red waters reflected the skies here, not the blue of my homeworld.

My lungs were burning, but I couldn’t stop now, I needed the momentum. 

Finally, the balls of my feet propelled me forward into the misty air, and for a moment I could feel what it might be like to fly.

My name is Hoshiko Tesfaye. I’m sure you’re wondering how I got myself into this…


	2. Electric Boogaloo, or, Your Lucky Day in Hell

“Hey, everyone,” I sang out to my otherwise unoccupied apartment, clutching an acceptance letter in my fist, “Full ride to The Sorbonne! WHAAAAAAT? Am I right?” I cupped my hands to my mouth and exhaled through them, mimicking the roar of an adoring crowd. “Domo Arigato.” I bowed to the full-length mirror in my bedroom. “I couldn’t have done it…” my voice faltered as I looked into my own eyes, the eyes of my inati, who had died when I was seven. “...without you.”

I fell silent, feeling a strange mixture of elation and wistfulness. I would miss Osaka for sure, but I wouldn’t miss the stares and the isolation. Hāfus aren’t as looked-down-upon as we used to be, well, as long as your other half was white anyway. Given that my chichi Atsushi was the former Japanese ambassador to Ethiopia, the chances of that happening were between slim and none. He’d met my inati after waking up from anesthesia when she briefed him about the attempt on his life and the emergency surgery she had performed to save his life. 

My inati was a neurosurgeon; a wunderkind, they’d called her, after she’d completed her studies at Harvard when she was only eighteen. 

I guess this kind of makes me an underachiever. 

My chichi took my inati’s name as his own, as it had always been that way in her family. Everything was matrilineal, despite Ethiopia’s overarching patriarchy, and as far back as anyone could remember, the progeny of their couplings only ever produced one child. A girl child, to be precise. A girl child with green eyes, to be exact. So they say. There are rumors, unconfirmed, of twins, happening just once due to a particularly potent pairing.

So there I sat, alone in my bedroom. An orphan now, with no friends, because I was thought to be awkward, strange, unlucky. I had no pets as I was afraid I would lose them just as I had lost everyone else I’d ever loved. I suppose that’s inevitable. After all, no one lives forever.

I had just sat down at my vanity, about to remove the gold glitter makeup that had become somewhat of a trademark, when suddenly, my mirror wasn’t there anymore.

Nothing was there anymore. 

For all too brief a moment, I savored a cool breeze that caressed my face, as if I were riding a bike, coasting downhill.

That carefree feeling didn’t last long. After a slight jolt, I found myself in a courtroom, which is almost never good if you’re black and double ungood if you’re black and in Japan.

The men (all men) assembled before me all wore smart-looking black uniforms, almost Hugo Boss-like in their fetishistic appeal, but the one that addressed me, the one with the expansive gestures and disturbingly disarming smile, was the only one in red.

“Welcome to the Devildom, Hoshiko,” he exclaimed to polite applause.

He paused as if waiting for me to react. I blinked at him, trying to figure out why I was hallucinating this shit. I mean, I’d had dreams, visions, snatches really, that resembled this place, but it had never quite felt...well, real.

Until now.

The face of the gregarious man was starting to take on an expression of concern. I gulped.

“I do apologize. You must be in quite a lot of shock!” He beamed. “I am Lord Diavolo, Prince of the Devildom and I welcome you to the Royal Academy of the Devildom.”

I nodded. Slowly. Mustn’t startle the large man in uniform.

“Still,” continued Lord Diavolo, “you mustn’t be surprised at your acceptance to our institution. Your references are impeccable! Just look at her transcripts, everyone!” 

Lord Diavolo unfolded the required records, resulting in them unrolling all the way to the ground. They kept going. Down the steps that led to the podium, and finally hitting the floor of the main hall. I winced in embarrassment, but he just laughed good-naturedly, cleared his throat, and began reading:

“The International School San Patricio in Toledo, Spain...hmm, does this by any chance make you a Catholic school girl?” He winked.

Someone in the crowd coughed.

“No...my chichi was Shinto and-”

“Oh, that’s too bad!” he continued, “It says here you were expelled.” OH GOD. “Would you care to elaborate?”

“Well...I skipped catechism,” I began.

He frowned sympathetically. “That seems awfully strict.”

“I skipped, like, almost all the catechisms,” I finished.

“Oh. Institut auf dem Rosenberg in Switzerland. I hope I pronounced that right! My German is a little rusty. Ha! Expelled. For…?”

“I wrote an essay excoriating the Swiss government for continuing to hold onto Nazi gold instead of compensating the survivors of the Holocaust. I’m banned for life now.”

“Interesting. Let’s see...Robert College of Istanbul...not Constantinople?”

“It’s been Istanbul for some time, Lord Diavolo,” I answered.

“I wonder why they changed it…” he murmured.

“I really can’t say,” I replied with a shrug. “People just liked it better that way?”

“Expelled again,” he observed with a tilt to his head that reminded me of a curious puppy. 

“I’m afraid this was not as principled of a stance. I got caught sneaking cats into my dorm room...and running an underground poker ring.”

“Taejon Christian International School in South Korea. Are you sure-”

“Look, I told my chichi that I might be happier...closertothekpopidols and I promised in exchange that I wouldn’t get expelled.”

Lord Diavolo apparently found this very interesting. He leaned over the podium, steepling his fingers. “K-Pop idols? Were there any at your school?”

“No,” I sighed. “But I lasted a whole semester there before…” I bit my lip in dismay.

“Before what?”

“Before the Chemistry Lab caught fire and exploded.” I grimaced.

“Well, take heart, because it’s not like you can blow up the Devildom! Moving on...Amadeus International School of Vienna...it says here you studied opera and classical piano-”

“Yes, before I was-”

“Expelled?” he asked.

“Eh...yes.” He paused to look at me and I realized that he was waiting for me to expand on that bit of information. “I wasn’t expelled so much as I was asked to leave. They just figured it would be better for everyone if I didn’t continue my education there after my piano teacher and I were caught in a compromising position that WAS NOT WHAT EVERYONE THOUGHT IT WAS GODDAMMIT.” I blushed furiously and cleared my throat. “Pardon me. That one...was my favorite.”

Lord Diavolo took a deep breath and continued. “Kodaikanal International School in South India.”

“I got caught eating a cheeseburger outside town. There...was a riot.”

“Salem Academy?”

I rolled my eyes. “So disappointing. I thought it would be like Harrison Porter or Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but instead, it was a bunch of spoiled southern belles. I...got in a fight and since the other girl’s daddy was the state senator, her family was able to make sure I was kicked out.”

“Harrow International School in Bangkok-”

“How was I supposed to know that A Girl and A Banana was a sex show?”

A high pitched giggle tittered somewhere in the crowd and bounced off the stone walls of the courtroom, echoing throughout the entire building. I raised my eyebrows but did not engage.

“St. Stephen’s in Rome- are you sure you’re not a Catholic schoolgirl?” Lord Diavolo asked with a laugh. 

“I got caught with occult materials-”

A great “OOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!” collectively rose up from the crowd. I guess I should be grateful they hadn’t dozed off yet.

“-aaaaannnnd,” I continued, “I put a guy in the hospital because he wouldn’t stop groping me.”

“Well,” he said after a long pause. “I guess that’s the final answer to my question! Finally, we have Cologne International School.”

“I graduated.”

“Top of your class,” he said with a raised eyebrow and a warm smile.

I tilted my head thoughtfully. Maybe I hadn’t given myself enough credit. “Once all the variables were factored in, yes.”

“So you’re a gifted student with an uncanny knack for getting into trouble.” With this, he turned to the dark-haired man sitting on his right. “Sound like anyone you know, Luci?” 

The dark-haired man wrinkled his brow in irritation, then drank the entire glass of water in front of him and sputtered, “I don’t know who or what you’re talking about.”

I giggled to myself, remembering the old “I Love Lucy” episodes my parents used to watch...before Inati died. “Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do!” I mumbled under my breath.

The next thing I knew the dark-haired man was pinning me down from across the room with the dangerous glare of his ruby red eyes alone. Hokay, so HE’S not human. “What was that?” he asked, his voice a low but sonorous baritone.

“Just a minor pop culture reference,” I replied, a nervous smile frozen on my face. “It’s...a compliment, really.”

Lord Diavolo cleared his throat. “So, as you can all see, Hoshiko Tesfaye is the perfect addition to our Academy-”

I raised my hand. “Lord Diavolo, sir?”

The huge auburn-haired man with the twinkling gold eyes and the megawatt smile nodded his head.

“This isn’t, you know, prep school, is it? I mean...as you can plainly see, I’ve been through enough of that.” I gestured to my transcripts, which Lord Diavolo was just starting to roll back up into a manageable size. 

Lord Diavolo spread his arms out placatingly. “No, despite the name, we are...more of a university of sorts. After all, we’re all adults here-”

The crowd chuckled.

He continued, “Our curriculum is unique. Some classes are mandatory, others are by your personal interest. And before you ask-”

“Yes?” I asked.

“Whatever you learn here will have no bearing on your future studies at the Sorbonne.”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Unless you want it to,” he finished. “Oh, and one more thing. Exchange students are required to teach one elective per quarter. Please have your lesson plan submitted by...midnight. This hearing is dismissed! Lord Lucifer-”

“Wait. Lucifer?”

The dark-haired man with the glittering russet eyes nodded soberly.

“THE Lucifer? The Lightbringer? The Morningstar? THAT Lucifer?”

Lucifer’s lips twitched. “It is as you say.”

HOLY SHIT. I’d expected him to be blonde for whatever reason, but I’m not complaining.

“As I was saying, Lord Lucifer will show you to your quarters in the House of Lamentation and will be HAPPY to answer any questions you might have.” I heard a groan from Lucifer’s direction. Lord Diavolo approached me and extended his hand. “Welcome, Hoshiko. I hope you come to think of this place as...a second home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously the Demon Bros don't belong to me, but to Solmare Inc. Hoshiko Tesfaye belongs to me, though. Any reference to people, places, or things whether fictional or non-fictional is for my (and hopefully the readers') amusement and is not intended to infringe on any copyrights and shit. There may be elements that I borrow from other fics and headcanons, but I will try to keep it to a minimum and credit when applicable.
> 
> Thanks to Tumblr's Thalfox, obeymeimagines, and obeymeimaginesandasks up front.
> 
> A special thank you goes out to Yagami Yato for the amazing Mammon ASMR that was the final catalyst that brought this into being.
> 
> A grateful and girl-crushy shout out to Instagram's uniquesora, on whom my MC is physically based. I hope my descriptions convey flattery rather than creepiness.
> 
> Thank you to Twitter's @bart_nir for your generous feedback.
> 
> Thank you to my little sister, mi corazon Luvia for the encouragement and for being my biggest cheerleader.
> 
> This is Part 1 of a four-part work (and a nutritious breakfast). I will update tags and characters as applicable to each part. For example, Belphie doesn't show up until Part 2.
> 
> Chapter 2 Notes: All of these schools listed are actual boarding schools from around the world. No slander is intended in my work. It's more about my MC being a gifted fuck-up than anything else. Inspiration was taken from the character of Judy Maxwell in the movie "What's Up, Doc?" I highly recommend it.
> 
> "Chichi" is Japanese for "Father". Hoshiko's father was Japanese.
> 
> "Inati" is Amharic for "Mother". Hoshiko's mother was Ethiopian-American who originally spoke the Amharic dialect
> 
> "Harrison Porter" is the in-game universe counterpart to Harry Potter. I do not bother changing anything else unless the game did because dammit, I did research on LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE until my eyes bled. Suggestions welcome.
> 
> Those of you who notice the TMBG reference win a special prize.
> 
> Songs recommended to listen to while reading:
> 
> "Cry Little Sister" by Gerard McMann from "The Lost Boys" soundtrack  
> "all the good girls go to hell" by Billie Eilish  
> "Your Lucky Day in Hell" by Eels


	3. Who's That Girl?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is talking about the new girl, but none of the brothers have a good view of her. Whatever shall they do?

AsmoBaby - Asmodeus  
Beelzeburger - Beelzebub  
L3V1:- Leviathan  
Lucifer - Lucifer  
Mammoney - Mammon  
Stn - Satan

AsmoBaby has entered the chat.

AsmoBaby: Hey, has anyone gotten a glimpse of the new girl yet?

Beelzeburger has entered the chat.

Beelzeburger: What new girl?

L3V1 has entered the chat.

L3V1: LOLZ the ONLY Girl, Beel. The one who Lord Diavolo is introducing right now.

Stn has entered the chat.

Stn: If you had been PAYING ATTENTION instead of ducking out into the cafeteria MAYBE then you would know what they’re talking about.

Beelzeburger: So. We have a girl.

AsmoBaby: Yes

Beelzeburger: Who is human.

L3V1: (𓌻︵𓌻)

Beelzeburger: We have Solomon already. Why is this a big deal?

L3V1: ಠ_ಠ

AsmoBaby: You’re KIDDING, right?

Mammoney has entered the chat.

Mammoney: Ya assholes are blowing up my phone! Knock it off, I’m waiting for an important text from Devil Style!

Stn: You should be grateful. Must be a lot to adjust to, all that attention. But don’t be too upset, literally NO ONE CARES what you have to say about the situation.

Mammoney: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Stn: ANYWAY, it’s a big deal because never in the history of RAD have we

AsmoBaby: WE’VE NEVER HAD A LITTLE GIRL

Mammoney: GDI ASMO

AsmoBaby: What’s the matter, Mammon? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Mammoney: Ya know damn well what’s the matter.

Mammoney: ┗(｀Дﾟ┗(｀ﾟДﾟ´)┛ﾟД´)┛

Mammoney: Sigh. WE’VE NEVER HAD A LITTLE GIRL, WE’VE NEVER HAD A LITTLE GIRL!

Mammoney: I’M VERY VERY GLAD TO VOLUNTEEEEEER

Beelzeburger: Um…

AsmoBaby: Don’t stop him, he’s rolling.

Beelzeburger has left the chat.

Mammoney: WE’RE GLAD SHE’S GLAD TO VOLUNTEER

Mammoney: WE HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND

Mammoney: YOUR WISH IS OUR COMMAND

Mammoney: WE KNOW YOU’RE GONNA LIKE IT HERE

AsmoBaby: This never gets old.

Mammoney: I fuckin’ hate you.

Lucifer has entered the chat.

Lucifer: LANGUAGE!

Mammoney: Sorry.

L3V1: Anyone wanna tell me why Mammon broke into song there?

Stn: Well…

Mammoney: DON’T YOU FUCKIN’ DARE, SATAN

Lucifer: MAMMOOOOON!

Mammoney: Shit.

Lucifer: You are most fortunate that we’re in the middle of an assembly or else you’d be hanging by your toes, naked, and covered with honey.

AsmoBaby: Kinky…

Lucifer: ( ´☣///_ゝ///☣｀)

Lucifer: But because of these...unique circumstances, I will devise a much more...interesting punishment for you.

Mammoney: 「(°ヘ°)

Lucifer has left the chat.

Stn: SO ANYWAY, has anyone caught a glimpse of her yet?

Mammoney: Only Lucifer has the eyeline on her, and he ain’t tellin’ us shit

L3V!: You normies...do I have to do EVERYTHING?

L3V1: I’ve got cameras all over the courtroom so I can livestream this

Mammoney: Well, are ya gonna do somethin’ about it or just keep runnin’ your mouth?

L3V1: I might do something if you ask me nicely.

AsmoBaby: Pwetty pwease with sugar on top?

L3V1: Not you. Mammon.

Mammoney: (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

Mammoney: Pretty please with sugar on top, do your thing.

L3V1: Good thing I’m curious too, because that was pathetic. Let me put down my controller.

AsmoBaby: Wait, how have you been posting kaomoji with no hands?

L3V1: Wouldn’t YOU like to know.

Mammoney: Stop interruptin’ the man so he can work.

L3V1: My how the tables have turned.

L3V1: Okay, put your earbuds in, I’ll send you the link

L3V1:

[Hoshiko Tesfaye Entrance Interview](Rick%20Astley%20-%20Never%20Gonna%20Give%20You%20Up%20\(Video\)/)

AsmoBaby: (ﾉ>｡☆)ﾉ

Stn: (〃 ω 〃)

Mammoney: Wow.

L3V1: |ω・)

Mammoney: She’s...

Mammoney: She’s, uh…

Mammoney: Wow.

AsmoBaby: Why, Mammon! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so...speechless.

Mammoney: SHUT. UP.

Mammoney: I AM THE GREAT MAMMON. She’s just a dumb human. I GOT THIS.

Stn: Are you trying to convince us or yourself?

Mammoney: Also YOU.

Mammoney: YOU ALSO SHUT UP. ALSO.

AsmoBaby: Um...do you ever get the feeling you’re being watched? And not in a kinky way?

Mammoney: Shit, looks like Diavolo is wrapping up and Lucifer wants to give us all a pop quiz. I’m outta here.

Mammoney has left the chat.  
AsmoBaby has left the chat.  
Stn has left the chat.  
L3V1 has left the chat.  
Beelzeburger has entered the chat.

Beelzeburger: I'm back, what did I miss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Mammon breaks into is from the musical "Annie":
> 
> [Annie - I think I'm Gonna Like It Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nM_-CFRBS8)


	4. He Said, She Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Mammon met Hoshiko...

**Mammon POV:**

A few minutes after Levi cut the feed and I made a break for it, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. Oh, the burden of being The Great Mammon!™ EVERYBODY wants a piece of me. 

I let it ring once.

Maybe it’s someone from _Devil Style_ …

I let it ring twice.

Maybe it’s one of the witches. *shudder*

But the gambler in me told me to pick up after that third ring. “Yooooooooo,” I drawled, all cool and laid-back like.

There was a pause, then out came a “Yoooooooooo” followed by a giggle in response. Not like, a ditzy giggle. It was a _cute_ giggle, okay? But not _that_ cute, because human, as I soon found out. From this, I was able to figure out a few things because The Great Mammon is a genius like that:

1\. It was a girl 😘

2\. She wasn’t from anywhere I could pin down

Now let me elaborate on this one. Just because I couldn’t place her accent it doesn’t mean she would have the upper hand here. She’d...been _around_. NOT LIKE THAT. Like, she’s...well-traveled but not in the vacation sort of way. Maybe she was an Army brat?

3\. She had a sense of humor 

I mean, why WOULDN’T she find me funny and charming, right? But some stranger human girl with a voice like music and a laugh like sunshine was callin’ The Second Born™ and had the moxie to “Yooooooo” right back at me. That’s _hot_. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I had an inklin’ that it was that new girl, Little Star, but I wanted to be sure because time is money and MY time don’t come cheap. Oh, and for the record, it’s not like I looked up her name to see what it meant. Levi, that otaku, was useful for once and blurted it right out. “Hoshiko means Little Star” and ya have to admit that’s kinda cute.

So I was all “Who is callin’ The Great Mammon™?”

I heard her cover the mic with her finger and repeat my title to someone, as if she may have made a mistake. No mistake _here_ , Babygirl!

She introduced herself. Hoshiko. Tesfaye. A lovely-soundin’ name to match her cutie face (from what I was able to see from Levi’s feed) and her sexy voice. Curiouser and curiouser... 

So I was all, “What do _you_ want from the second most powerful demon in the Devildom?” Because my time is important and she should be grateful, you know?

Little Star paused a moment. I could swear that I could hear her teeth draggin’ over her bottom lip as she contemplated this _super_ important question. 

“I want to be friends,” came her response, earnest and...so... _pure_. Made me shudder a little despite myself. No one had _ever_ had the audacity to ask for so much from The Great Mammon™. _Was this some kinda prank?_

_I wanna be friends_. WHO DOES THAT, callin’ a stranger, and _a demon_ at that, for the first time tryin’ to get all chummy with them without knowin’ whether it was safe or not? I felt like chastisin’ her, ya know, so she would...be careful and not get hurt. _Not that I care or anythin’._

“Are ya _crazy_ , human? Ya don’t just call up random demons askin’ to be friends! Not that I’m any random demon, baby, I’m the goddamn Avatar of Greed! That’s a good way to end up as someone’s next meal. But not mine, because I wouldn’t stoop so low as to eat a human, no matter how good they might taste-“ DAMMIT WORDS.

I heard her snort. 

“Did I say somethin’ funny, human?” I said in my most menacin’ voice. “I am NOT to be laughed at, do ya hear me?”

There was a sharp intake of breath on her end and I immediately regretted makin’ her scared, even if it was for her own good. She sighed before I could apologize and for a second I was thinkin’ that I’d blown it (again, NOT LIKE I _CARE_ ) and that she was gonna hate me and that she _should_ hate me because I’m scum, _but_ -

“I _really_ hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but I suppose I should tell you that Lucifer wants to see you.” There was a pause. “Right now.”

I laughed. “Ya think ya can scare me by name-droppin’ Lucifer?” I laughed again to show her how scared I _TOTALLY_ WASN’T. 

And then Luci grabbed the phone. “You have until the count of 10. 10...9…”

I gulped. “Yessir! On my way!”

~

Like, 8 seconds later I was roundin’ the corner into the hallway and there ~~she was~~ they were and I just-

I _stared_ , riveted. It was like someone had put my life into slow motion and it was all unfoldin’ to some chimey guitar like raindrops in the sun that led into this joyous, crunching thing that just exploded when she and I made eye contact. 

She had long, soft-lookin’ curly black hair that she’d put up into these two cute space buns on the top of her head. The lavender streaks woven through it made it look like she was crowned in twilight and I thought to myself wouldn’t it be nice if that part of her hair smelled like lavender...or _dare I hope...lilac?_ The rest of her could smell like anything else but I just wanted to bury my nose in her hair and _what the hell am I sayin’_ let’s walk that shit back I don’t even know her and besides, she’s just a dumb human who will be gone after a year, so gettin’ attached would be foolish and probably _hurt_ a lot and -

_Anyway._

She definitely wasn’t dressed for the occasion of meetin’ The Great Mammon™. She may have been dressed for hot ‘n’ humid weather where she was from, what with her booty shorts and cute kitty crop top that I was gonna have to get her out of before she meets Satan because he eats that shit up oh fuck I did not mean I want to take her clothes off I just want to keep Satan away from her okay.

She had a cute little belly button ring that I could tell right away was cubic zirconium and that needed to be rectified ASAP because reasons.

And then she turned her face in my direction.

She’s just a human. Get a hold of yourself, man! NO, NOT LIKE THAT, YOU IDIOT. I internally slapped myself. It didn’t work.

I’d...never seen anythin’ like her, to be honest. Her skin reminded me of the way I like my coffee - lots of cream, lots of sugar. I briefly wondered if she tasted like it, like _could I run my tongue up her neck and then be ready to take on the day with a spring in my step_ or - 

Oh, her eyes. Green, like emeralds with lighter irises embraced with a darkened ring around them. And when she looked at me, with that smile lightin’ up her face…WOW.

I turned on The Great Mammon Charm™, slid my sunglasses down my nose slightly and winked at her.

Shitshitshit did she just blush and bite her lip at me? Oh _fuck_ then Luci started talkin’ at me saying words like GUIDE and PROTECTOR and RESPONSIBILITY and I started to panic because I don’t need no dumb human slowin’ me down and disruptin’ my life nonononononono. And then he left me ALONE WITH HER like HOW COULD YOU MAN, WE’RE BROTHERS, WHAT THE FUCK WAIT WHY IS SHE JUST STANDING THERE HOLDIN’ HER HAND OUT TO ME WHAT DOES SHE WANT? MONEY? MY LIFE ESSENCE? MY HAND IN MARRIAGE?

Maybe it was somethin’ completely unrelated, but after a few seconds her face fell and then my heart followed _goddammit_. Humans and their weird-ass customs. I grabbed her hand before she could pull it all the way back to her side and I squeezed gently so I wouldn’t hurt her with my Superior Demon Strength™. I couldn’t help but brush the top of her hand with my thumb and HER SKIN WAS SO SOFT OH NOOOOOO.

“Hi.”

WHAT A DUMBASS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK COULDN’T I HAVE SAID SOMETHIN’ SMOOTHER LIKE, LIKE…

“Hey yourself. It’s nice to put a face to your voice,” she said as if it was the easiest thing in the world like WHAT IS HAPPENIN’ HERE.

“Um...Lucifer told me that you’d give me the tour? I already met Asmodeus and Beelzebub and Satan.” 

And then I realized that I hadn’t let go of her hand so I dropped it like it was on fire because I don’t want her gettin’ any ideas. I said, “Good, then ya know who to stay away from. Beel will eat ya. Asmo will... _also eat ya_ , and Satan-“

“Will eat me?” She guessed. _Adorable_. Wrong, but adorable.

I shook my head. “But he _might_ turn ya into a cat if you mess with his books.”

She giggled, “Well, that doesn’t sound _too_ bad…”

“Aw, but it _is_. Ya see, he’ll turn ya into a cat and then he”ll, like _pet_ ya, and _squeeze_ ya and _snuggle_ ya and tell ya what an _adorable_ kitten ya are and- well, it’s _pretty_ awful. I’m just warnin’ ya to watch your step.”

She giggled and said, “Thanks for the tip. How about that tour?”

“Oh...right. The tour! Well, try to keep up, human, The Great Mammon™ is a very busy man and my time is valuable-“

She bit her lip. “We can...do it another time if this is interfering with-“

“NOOOOOO. The Great Mammon cleared his schedule just for you, so be grateful.”

She blinked at me, raised a well-groomed eyebrow and slid her arm around mine. “So I don’t get lost,” she said, “unless-“

“This is fine. Everythin’ is fine,” I said, drawin’ our arms a little closer together and hopin’ she couldn’t see me blushin’ like some sort of idiot I MEAN I AM A DEMON A BIG BAD DEMON WHY THE HELL AM I BLUSHIN’? “So...your room is right on the other side of the kitchen. So...if ya ever get hungry or anythin’ ya can just go...in there, just don’t get too close to Beel; like I said, he’ll eat ya. He’s like a horse, he doesn’t know when to stop.”

Then she laughed. She laughed with her whole body, a real laugh so big and bright that it rattled my rib cage. I smiled down at her and she blushed again, lookin’ away.

“My room is next door to yours, so if ya ever need anything at all, need someone to talk to, like for advice and stuff or to reach somethin’ that’s too high or to put lotion on your back ( _WHAT THE FUCK SELF_ ) or ya know, whatever, ya can knock on my door and if you’re lucky, I won’t be busy doing something else more important.”

She nodded. “O-Okay.” She shifted her weight awkwardly.

I got the distinct feelin’ that I’d said somethin’ stupid, but I’d said so many things that I just lost track, so I just pretended that I hadn’t said anythin’ awkward or hurtful or whatever because 60% of the time, that works every time.

“Aaaaannnnd across the hall from my room-“

“You aren’t going to show me _your_ room?” she said, with a cheeky little wink.

NO. NO TOUCHY. NOOOOO. I jumped back like she’d bitten me. “NO, why would ya want to see _my_ room? Ya gonna case the joint and see what’s worth stealin’? Stupid human, you'll probably break somethin'.”

She flinched, gasped, yanked her arm away from me, and scrunched her shoulders up almost to her ears. “You were talking about across the hall.” Not a question, a statement. Voice small. Clipped words. Eyes down.

I’M _SO_ STUPID UGH.

I took a deep breath and picked up where I’d left off. “Is Levi’s. He’s an otaku and NEVER LEAVES HIS ROOM LIKE A WEIRDO but if like, for whatever reason ya want to play video games or watch anime or whatever, he’s your guy. Just...don’t touch his stuff, like EVER.”

“Don’t touch your stuff. Don’t touch Levi’s stuff. Got it.” She still wouldn’t look at me, which was weird because I AM THE SEXIEST BEING IN THE DEVILDOM HANDS DOWN.

She was startin’ to make me feel uncomfortable things like...guilt, sympathy...and much to my growin’ terror, _affection_ and a swellin’ _need_ for hers. “Well, this is where I leave ya. I’m a very important demon, ya know, busy, busy, busy!”

Quiet. “I thought you said you’d cleared your schedule.” WHAT DOES _SHE_ CARE IF SHE WON’T EVEN _LOOK_ AT ME THO.

“ _Did_ I? Well, I forgot about somethin’. Gotta go! Bye!”

AND THEN I RAN OFF LIKE A COWARD and squirreled myself away where she wasn’t likely to accidentally find me. 

BECAUSE I’M SCUM.

**Hoshiko POV:**

Lucifer walked me from campus to the House of Lamentation, answering any questions I had along the way crisply and efficiently. He wasn’t...hostile, but he wasn’t exactly friendly either. Lucky for him, I guess, I’m used to that. When we arrived at what would be my new home for the next year, I tried not to gawk at it’s dark beauty. “Tudor-Gothic? No, _wait_...Gothic Revival,” I asserted somewhat breathlessly. “Am I _right_?”

Lucifer raised an eyebrow at me. He was almost...Vulcan in his coldness and detachment, and I couldn’t tell if it was personal or not. His lips spread in what looked like an expression rarely used: a smile. “You have a keen eye. Perhaps you would also enjoy the art collection at Lord Diavolo’s castle.”

My eyes grew wide. “ _Could_ I? I mean, are humans even _allowed_ in there? There’s still _so_ much I don’t understand.”

Lucifer turned away from me and began to ascend the stairs. “You will in time. Right now, I’m going to take you to the person I... _trust_...the most _in regards to you_ : my brother, Mammon.”

I smirked. “Mammon, like money?”

A brief “Ha!” escaped his lips. “Sounds like what little time you did spend in catechism, you were paying attention. Good.” He paused and turned to me. “He is the Avatar of Greed, Hoshiko, and he is to be your protector during your stay.”

I winced. I’d _just_ spent the last four years on a tight leash at all those boarding schools. Would this be more of the same? “Like a babysitter?” I asked.

“No,” Lucifer replied as he ascended the last step and opened the door for me. “More like a bodyguard. You see, the Devildom is a treacherous place for humans. Even a common demon could easily devour you without much effort. But as I am the _only_ demon more powerful than Mammon, while he is by your side, there is _nothing_ that can harm you. Not in Heaven, nor on Earth, and certainly not here in the Devildom.” 

We walked down the lushly carpeted hallway, past what looked to be an extravagant dining room with settings for eight, and a kitchen that would make Gordon Ramsay weep in envy. When we arrived at the second door on the left, Lucifer raised a gloved hand and rapped on the door.

There was no answer. Lucifer’s patience lasted about 30 seconds before he rolled his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and reached into his jacket pocket. In his hand was a candy apple red smart phone-looking thingie. It took me a moment to realize he was giving it to me. “What is _this_?” I asked, turning the shiny object over in my hands. “Is this like, a smartphone sort of thingie?”

Lucifer blinked at me and I fought the instinct to find the nearest hiding place lest he smite me or something. “Yes,” he replied tersely. “It is indeed a ‘ _smartphone sort of thingie_ ’” He punctuated with air quotes, like I was some sort of moron. “Here, we call it a D.D.D. All of my brothers’ numbers are in there.” He folded my hand over the D.D.D. and smirked, “Why don’t you try calling Mammon, tell him you want to meet him. I’m _sure_ he’d be happy to oblige you, so _don’t_ be shy.” Finally he stepped back and waited for me to do my thing.

“Here goes…” I found Mammon’s number and hit call. 

It rang once. I hoped he wasn’t, like, in the bathroom or something.

It rang twice. Or...like, what if he was with somebody? That would be awkward.

Finally, after the third ring, he picked up. “Yooooooo.”

My eyebrows just about shot up into my hairline. What sort of powerful demon lord answers the phone like that? Hmm. I decided I was going to go with either goofy or cocky. Or, Ancestors preserve me, _both_. “Yooooooo,” I echoed back with a giggle. 

“So, who is callin’ The Great Mammon?” I could practically hear him oh-so-casually stretching his arms up and behind his head like he was about to take a siesta or something. I didn’t know where the mute function was, so I covered the mic with my finger and whispered to Lucifer, “Does he _always_ introduce himself in the third person?” Lucifer gave me a look that was the visual equivalent of an annoyed groan.. “The Great Mammon? _Seriously?_ ” Lucifer signaled for me to _get on with it_.

“Hoshiko Tesfaye. I’m...new here and I’m going to be staying at the House of Lamentation with you for the next year,” I replied.

I heard a rustle on the other end of the line followed by, “What do ya want from the second most powerful demon in the Devildom?” 

I didn’t know whether to laugh or what. His words may have been pompous, but his voice...wasn’t. It was husky and sweet like raw honey. If he looked _anything_ like he sounded, I was in for a _world_ of trouble. I bit my lip, hoping I wasn’t being too presumptuous. “I...would like to be _friends_.” Lucifer’s head snapped back in my direction with a shocked expression on his face. I mouthed to him, “It’s _true_ though!” I don’t know _why_ I said it, maybe because if he was going to be my protector, I wanted to be able to get along, I guess. _Maybe HE would be different_ …

Mammon GASPED. No lie. “Are ya _crazy_ , human? Ya don’t just call up random demons askin’ to be friends! Not that I’m any random demon, baby. I’m the goddamn Avatar of Greed! That’s a good way to end up as someone’s next meal. But not mine, because I wouldn’t stoop so low as to eat a human, no matter _how_ good they might taste-“

So...was he already thinking about how I might taste? _Literally or figuratively?_ I wondered to myself, as I tried in vain to fight off the blush that was creeping into my cheeks. I snorted at my delusional mind, then I was shocked out of my all-too-brief fantasy by his unexpectedly sharp retort. “Did I say somethin’ _funny_ , human?” I started having visions of Joe Pesci and a baseball bat in Goodfellas and I didn’t like it. I trembled despite myself and he continued. “I am NOT to be laughed at, do ya hear me?”

I gasped in shock, as I felt a burning, salty ball start forming in my throat. I shook my head. _C’mon, you’ve heard much worse, why are you letting him get to you? What are you, five?_ I sighed. “I _really_ hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this, but I suppose I should tell you that Lucifer wants to see you.” I looked over at the demon in question, who nodded. “Right now.”

He laughed, but it sounded forced, like a bark. “Ya think ya can scare me by name-droppin’ Lucifer?” Another fake laugh. I was about to call him out when Lucifer snatched the D.D.D. out of my hand and basically told Mammon to get his ass over to us STAT. Before I knew it…

_There he was._

Ohhhhhhh _fuuuuuuuck_. OHHHHHH NOOOOOO HE’S _GORGEOUS_ WHYYYYY.

With his white-blond bedhead hair and caramel-colored skin Mammon was distinctively...different from his fairer-skinned siblings. He wasn’t like anything I had expected or like anyone I’d ever seen before. He looked more like an angel than a demon, but then what did I know? I couldn’t help the dumb smile spreading across my face as I looked at him, hoping there wasn’t any drool leaking out the corners of my mouth.

Slowly, he slid his sunglasses down and I was faced with the most beautiful blue eyes; no, not just blue, they were more like, like an upside-down sunrise; gold like the sun towards the bottom, capped with brilliant blue, bluer than any sky, lake, fish or fowl I’d ever seen. He grinned a dazzlingly enticing smile and winked, biting his lip as he sauntered towards me. 

YES. _DADDY_.

My temperature skyrocketed and I knew my face was red. 

I am SO going to Hell. 

Oh, wait.

As he and Lucifer conversed about the terms of his “guardianship” over me, I tuned out, distracted by the opportunity to check out the rest of him. He was like the porridge that Goldilocks chose; juuuuuuuuust right. Literally tall, dark (well, besides his hair anyway), and handsome; thicc thighs; legs for miiiiiiles; and to top it off, he had the cutest bubble butt omggggggg noooooooo he’s a _literal_ demon what are you thinking? HE’S GONNA EAT YOU UP GIRL _OOH YES I HOPE SO_ NOPE GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF. NO, NOT LIKE THAT.

But the more I looked at him, the less I cared. It wasn’t until after Lucifer left that I felt bold enough to actively flirt with him which was nuts because HELLO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING SOCIALLY AWKWARD GIRL HERE WITH CUTE DEMON BOI OMG HELP RED ALERT

And it certainly showed, because it backfired _spectacularly_. I don’t know why. I mean he seemed to be attracted to me, he was throwing out all the signals; his pupils were growing bigger and bigger, he blushed a lot (HE’ S A SHY BOI? IN THAT BODY? WITH THAT FACE? ANCESTORS, WHY) he ran his fingers through his hair almost compulsively and it was so adorably sexy that I couldn’t help but be bolder in an effort to draw him out of whatever protective shell he was hiding behind, because if there’s ANYTHING I recognize, it’s another shy person trying not to get hurt. This too, was a mistake. I WASN’T WRONG THO.

He made up some bullshit about having something to do that he’d forgotten about, and I was left feeling stupid and humiliated at his brother Levi’s door. I could only hope this day would not get worse, though I still hadn’t had time to decide what subject to teach, much less draw up a class proposal. 

And if I could find some shoes, that would be great, too.


	5. The Payback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoshiko meets Levi and strikes a devil's, or rather, a demon's bargain with him. Tsunderes will make you do the damnedest things.

**Hoshiko POV:**

I rapped gently on Levi’s door, fearing the worst.

“Who is it?” a muffled voice called out.

I winced. “Hoshiko Tesfaye. I’m the new-” Before I could finish my sentence, the person who I guessed was Levi opened the door, grabbed me by the forearm, tugged me inside, and shut the door behind him. “Well, I _guess_ that’s a better reception than I got from your broth-” It was at that moment that I turned and faced the inside of the room. 

Aquariums. Everywhere. Aquariums filled with countless colorful fishes like glittering jewels and jellies like living clouds from all over the world. The tanks were lit from within and provided most of the illumination in the room aside from the TV screen. And then I saw the figures; limited edition sculpts of every anime you could think of. It was the Needful Things shop brought to glorious life. I bit my lip in, well, _envy_. 

Levi’s eyes lit up. “You _want_ this, don’t you?” he said, holding a limited edition Kotobukiya Ikemen series Dragon King Bakugou. Only 50 copies were made…*whimper*

Levi himself was cute for a hikikomori; pale on account of, well, never leaving his room, shaggy purple hair and striking fiery orange eyes. He certainly had better hygiene than most hard-core otaku I’ve the... _pleasure_...of running into. I may too have been a social outcast for most of my life but my personal grooming game has _always been on point_ , okay? If he stood up straight, he’d be head-and-head with Lucifer. A quick psych rundown based on his body language and what little information Lucifer and Mammon had given me pinged possible autism spectrum disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. Being a Psychology major will do that to you, it’s hard to turn the Doctor off. I resolved to proceed accordingly. 

I smirked. “What about the _rest_ of the line?”

Levi lowered the hand that was holding the Bakugou figure. “Wait, _what_?”

I continued, “The hate is swelling in you now-” Levi’s eyes grew wide and he bounced a little on the balls of his feet as he joined me, our voices coming together to take on the creepy timbre of Emperor Palpatine. “Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.”

“Whoooooooa!” Levi exclaimed. “This is _much_ better than I could have foreseen!” Immediately though, he quieted down, blushing and breaking eye contact. “I’m glad you didn’t fight me bringing you here. I don’t want anyone seeing me with some _normie_ human.”

I rolled my eyes, annoyed. Did _all_ the brothers have this superiority complex going on (I didn’t notice too many signs of that from Beel, however)? I wondered if I could use this to my advantage, at _least_ until they learn to treat me decently. “So. You’re the Avatar of Envy, are you not?”

“Duh!” he replied, as he shuffled back towards his tv and picked up his controller. “Nice meeting you. Try not to be too much of a distraction.”

“Is _that_ why you tried to tempt me?” I asked. “With the Bakugou figure? You can read the desires of other people. _Covetous_ desires. Yes?” 

Levi slowly turned around to face me. “You have my _curiosity_.”

I slowly walked up to Levi, not wanting to startle him. “Tell me, Leviachan-'' He blushed furiously as I continued, “There was a reason why you pulled me in here, yes? _You_ covet something, don’t you? Something you believe I can help you get. Looking for a little quid pro quo? What is it that I covet _most of all_?”

Levi shut his eyes and gave it a go while I concentrated as hard as I could. He opened his eyes giving me a judgemental look bordering on disgust. “ _Really_? THAT’S what you want? More than _anything_?”

I shrugged. “At the _moment_ , yes.”

Levi took a deep breath, then exhaled, blowing his fringe of bangs skyward. “You had my curiosity, but _now_ you have my attention. Our goals are aligned. I...I have a -a proposition for y-you.”

I crouched next to him, feet flat on the ground. “You don’t have to be _nervous_ , Leviachan. After all, our goals are aligned, right?” I laid my hand gently on his knee.

He flinched but nodded even though he was blushing again. He whispered, “I...I just wasn’t expecting you to c-c-call me Leviachan. You _barely_ know me.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” I said, a little worried I had read him wrong, too. “Because I can _stop_ -”

“NO!” he shouted. His eyes widened again and if he got any redder, he’d start showing up on the Muta Scale. “N-no, it’s fine. J-j-just...not in front of anyone else, okay?”

I nodded, “Your proposition then, Leviachan?”

There was a glint in his eye I couldn’t quite define, but he _finally_ spilled the tea. “Mammon owes me money, a _loooooooot_ of money, and he’s been in my debt for 200 years. There’s a TSLCon coming up and I can’t get the limited edition Lord of Shadow and Henry figurines unless I can scrounge up more Grimm. Coincidentally, it’s the same amount Mammon owes me, and that’s me being generous and not charging him interest. That’s where you come in. Do you know what a pact is, Hoshiko?”

I puffed out my cheeks. “I have a _vague_ idea, but...do I have to sell my soul or something?”

Levi smirked. “A common misconception, but-” he gestured at me derisively, “-you know, _normie_ , so...anyway, _no_. You see, Mammon is the Avatar of Greed. He doesn’t want your soul, but there _is_ something he wants, more than anything. My brother ran up a lot of debt on his Gold Card, to the point where Lucifer confiscated it and had it frozen. But...if you can find...UGH... _GOLDIE_ , he would totally make a pact with you in trade.” 

“That easy, huh?” I asked, raising my eyebrow. “Sounds a little _too_ good to be true. What’s the catch?”

“The _only_ catch is you’re stuck with my brother, but since that seems to be what you want, there’s no real downside. You do me a favor and I not only give you the Bakugou figure, but you have Mammon bound to you. Simple as that. He is surprisingly easy to get.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you _sure_ we’re talking about the same guy? He couldn’t get away from me fast enough.” 

My tone must have betrayed my hurt because another glint returned to Levi’s eyes. “He’s got pacts with three witches. _Three_. And he has to do _whatever_ they tell him to do.”

“So...he’s kind of a sure thing for pacts, is that it?” I forced a giggle, trying to tamp down the feeling of ice water rushing through my heart. “Like when it comes to frequency and standards, you mean?”

Levi held my gaze. “You _could_ say that.” He raised an eyebrow at me, a hungry confidence starting to roll off of him in waves. “Do we have a _deal_ , Hoshiko?”

I thought about it, biting my lip. “I don’t want to have to _force_ him to be nice to me. I just want to have him stop being _such_ a dick of his own accord.”

Levi waved his hand in front of my face like he was doing a Jedi Mind Trick. “You don’t have to use the pact in _that_ direct of a way. But...making the pact makes it that _much more likely_ that you will get what you want.” He looked me dead in the eyes again, and his own glowed like hot coals, as if he was getting a little taste of the satisfaction to come. “Do we. Have. A deal.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled. “We do indeed, Leviachan. We do indeed.”

“Good,” he replied.

I stood up and stretched. “I’ll just get going now, It felt like I was interrupting something and I don’t want to _intrude_ -”

I started to walk to the door. I had just put my hand on the doorknob when I heard a quiet “Wait.” I turned. Levi still had his back to me and that shyness was back. “Have you-have you ever seen an anime called _The Tale of the Seven Lords_?”

Now, I may have been raised in Osaka for most of my life, but I’m not an idiot. I know my anime, and even if I don’t watch every single series that comes out, I usually know about it. If Levi was telling the truth, then ‘ _The Tale of the Seven Lords_ ’ had somehow managed to fly under my radar. But rather than denying it outright…”It could have come out while I was overseas-”

Levi tilted his head. “It is literally the most popular anime in the world right now.” 

“I‘ve been out of the country for a while and only returned a month ago,” I bit my lip. “But I’ve been pretty busy putting my chichi’s affairs in order-“

“Would you like to watch a little with me?” he asked rapidly.

My mouth dropped open with a little wet popping sound and then I smiled. “I would love to.” I walked back to him and pulled up a beanbag. While I made myself comfortable, I suddenly felt like Levi was staring at me. I looked down to where he was staring. “Oh...I’m sorry I don’t have any socks on. I got... _beamed_ over here while I was just relaxing at home. I have _no_ idea how I’m going to go to school tomorrow with no shoes…”

“Akuzon,” he said, while setting up the dvd. “It’s on your D.D,D.”

I rubbed my temples. “I take it that they _only_ accept Grimm? And I only have a little Yen on me…”

Levi sighed as he started the first episode. “Tell you what, normie. I’m feeling generous...a-and you...you should _at least_ have shoes. I’ll order a pair for you and they should arrive in the morning before school starts. What’s your size?”

~

**Mammon POV:**

After an hour or two of sitting alone (BY _CHOICE_ , MIND YA) in my Super Secret Garden, feeling sorry for myself-wait-feeling bad about how my first impression on Hoshi had been a complete disaster-wait-feeling _deeply_ offended that she wasn’t overwhelmed by my charm and outright _refused_ to look over my fla-I mean awk- _WHATEVER_ , I got restless. I laid back on the marble bench and texted Luci.

 **Mammoney** has entered the chat.

 **Mammoney:** Bro.

 **Lucifer** has entered the chat.

 **Lucifer:** This had better be important.

 **Mammoney:** It’s...about Hoshiko.

 **Lucifer:** What. Did. You. Do. ಠ_ಠ

 **Mammoney:** I didn’t do nothin’! Well...nothin’ too bad. ( ד○ ד;)

 **Mammoney:** UGH I’m an idiot, okay?

 **Lucifer:** Mammon, you are many things, but you are not an idiot. No matter how much you act like one. And do not tell the others I said that because I will categorically deny it. What happened?

 **Mammoney:** I think I hurt her. I-I just didn’t know how to handle how just...feisty and sensitive she is and....she deserves someone better to watch over her.

 **Lucifer:** There is no one else I trust more than you in this matter. No. One. She may be a...troublemaker, but I don’t want her getting herself killed, it would destroy everything Lord Diavolo has been working for.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I ambled back through the maze that would lead to RAD and then back to the House of Lamentation. I _could_ have flown, mind you. _No one_ is faster than me, but you know what they say, “Don’t Text and Fly!™”

 **Mammoney:** First impressions are important and now she probably thinks I’m a real prick and how can I protect someone if they don’t want to be around me, ya know?

 **Lucifer:** Not my circus, not my monkeys.. 

**Mammoney:** But-

 **Lucifer:** Mammon, I know I don’t say it enough, and that our brothers do everything they can to make you forget it, but scum though you are, you have more self-control and more patience than the rest of us. She needs you. You can do this. If it helps, try to think of her happiness as something you’re greedy for.

 **Mammoney:** That

_You know that picture of the guy whose head is circled by exploding galaxies? This moment was just like that. Did I want her to be happy? Sure. I mean, she’s kinda cute and gutsy as hell and stubborn and that’s the allure...along with her sparkling eyes and bubbly laugh and...ANYWAY. I can be greedy for anything, but focusing it on her happiness could only be a win-win for the both of us, really._

**Mammoney:** That is actually a brilliant idea.

 **Lucifer:** Of course it is. I came up with it.

I had _just_ reached the house when I realized...

 **Mammoney:** Ya know, she probably wants a little time-

 **Lucifer:** Well, where is she?

 **Mammoney:** I...left her with Levi.

 **Lucifer:**...

 **Lucifer:** …

 **Lucifer:** Well, he’ll either bore her to sleep or they’ll get along splendidly.

 **Mammoney:** Or both.

 **Lucifer:** I suppose that is possible, yes. 

**Lucifer:** Are you stalling?

 **Mammoney:** NO

 **Lucifer:** Good. I want you to make things right with her before midnight tonight, She’s got a big day tomorrow and she doesn’t need the extra stress.

 **Mammoney:** All right, all right. I promise.

**Four.  
** **Hours.**  
**Later.**  
**(11pm DST)**

I finally screwed up enough courage to knock on Levi’s door. Softly, in case he really _had_ bored her to sleep.

About 30 seconds later, Levi opened the door.

Levi smirked at me, as if he knew something I didn’t. “You here to pay me?”

I shook my head, lookin’ down. “I’ve uh...come to collect my charge.”

That fuckin’ otaku rolled his eyes at me. “I _should_ try holding her for ransom.”

I don’t know if it was because I was in Levi’s presence or if it was...the girl, but I felt a _jealousy_ , equally protective and possessive, and as potent as his at _just the thought_ of him takin’ her away from me for ANY reason, and a _wrath_ that would rival Satan’s _at the very idea_ that he would dare to play games with what was MINE for somethin’ as...cheap and...meaningless as money (WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING WHAT IS THIS WHAT KIND OF SORCERY FUCK). I lowered my voice threateningly. “Don’t. Don’t even _joke_ about that. She’s had a rough enough time-”

Levi stepped aside but clearly was still rollin’ taunt checks, as he puts it. “Yes, she told me allllllll about it.” He shook his head with disdain. “I thought _I_ was the pathetic one, but _you_ -”

I stopped suddenly and held my hand up, as if to say SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SOCIAL OUTCAST OR I WILL PUNCH YOU SO HARD THEY’LL HAVE TO KICK YOU OUT OF HEAVEN AGAIN. There, in Levi’s spare bean bag, was Little Star, out cold. Her face looked peaceful as if the mistakes of the day had never happened. But her body language; the way she wrapped her arms around herself so tightly despite the warmth of the room, told me she had not been held or touched enough, and maybe for a long time, not at all. Like... _like me_. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS LUMP DOING IN MY THROAT DAMMIT.

“Is she _okay_?” I asked.

He nodded. “No thanks to _you_ ,” he whispered harshly.

All I could do was throw my arms up in frustration. “Look, I feel bad enough about it as it is. Can ya for _once_ in your miserable life _not_ rub it in?” 

I tiptoed towards her.

 _She looks so fragile._

_She deserves to be handled with care._

_And that is my responsibility._

“ _MINE_.” I whispered.

I knelt down and as gently as I could, scooped her up into my arms. Her head lolled into my chest and I was able to determine - without it being creepy _at all_ -that her hair did, in fact, not smell like lavender. 

It WAS lilacs. Even better.

As I looked down at her, I found myself wonderin’ just what IS it about this girl that makes her so goddamn special, anyway? They don’t choose just ANYONE to attend RAD. I get that her dad was an ambassador, but compared to fuckin’ Solomon.. she was practically a _nobody_.

I _hate_ suspense, and I don’t like the way not knowin’ more about her is puttin’ me so...off balance around her.

I walked past Levi without another word and left him to shut the door behind me. Despite my best efforts, she stirred a little. 

PLEASE DON’T WAKE UP PLEASE DON’T WAKE UP.

As I opened the door to her room, she opened those pretty green eyes of hers and peered up at me. “Mammon?” she whispered.

“MmHmm?” I replied, making my way to her bed. 

“Is taxi service part of the whole Mammon Protection Service™ package or do you charge extra?”

I about fuckin’ cracked up, but since I was trying to keep it down, it came out as a snort. But I smiled at her. And she smiled at me. And I smiled at her. And she smiled at me. And-”Aren’t your arms tired?” she whispered, with a confused look on her face since I had been just standing there for more than a minute starin’ down at her grinnin’ like some kinda fuckin’ idiot.

“To The Great Mammon, you’re light as a feather,” I replied, as I laid her down on her bed. “I could hold you for days without even breakin’ a sweat...n-not that I _would_.”

I was about to leave when she grabbed my wrist. “W-wait. I-I’m sorry,” she whispered. THE FUCK ARE _YOU_ SORRY FOR? I WAS THE ASSHOLE HERE, NOT YOU.

I turned around to see her bathed in starlight, with her eyes sparklin’ and everything and it was just too much, I couldn’t take it. I looked away, glad she couldn’t see how badly I was blushin’. 

“I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I-I don’t really have any friends and I guess I was trying too hard and also you’re kinda cute so that just makes it harder and-” she started to sob and I fell to my knees beside her. NONONONONO DON’T CRY. “I just wanted you to _like_ me. I shouldn’t have flirted with you. I’ve _ruined_ this like I ruin _everything_ I touch and I’m _so_ embarrassed-” 

WHY DOES IT HURT IN MY CHEST GODDAMNIT? I reached for her but stopped short. “Is it okay if I touch you? I promise I won’t do anything creepy or gross.”

She smiled through her tears and nodded yes.

Softly, I started gently caressin’ her hair. “Ssh...ssh. It’s okay…”

“I’m _such_ an idiot.”

WELL, THAT WAS SURPRISINGLY TRIGGERIN’.

“ _Hey_!” I whispered, “Don’t ya _dare_ say that about yourself, that _ain’t_ okay. You’ve had a long, rough day, and I didn’t exactly handle myself so great either, aiight? And I’m like, a LOT older than ya. So...so _yeah_.”

This seemed to soothe her a bit, but then she whispered, “I’m _so_ scared.” She sounded like a little lost girl and OMG I WANT TO CUDDLE YOU FOREVER STOP PLEASE I'M GONNA FUCKIN’ DIE STOP BEING SO CUTE DAMMIT.

I smoothed her hair back from her forehead, hopin’ she didn’t notice my shakin’ hands, “I’ll protect you, okay? Ain’t nothin’ gonna harm you while The Great Mammon is around.” She giggled and let go of my hand.

“Thank you.” She was about to snuggle into her blankets when she gasped as if something had bit her, causing me to jump about ten feet in the air. “Oh, no! The proposal!” She looked at her D.D.D. “11:15pm. How am I going to draft it in time? Shit shit _shit_.”

Well, I couldn’t just leave a damsel in distress, now, _could_ I? I took a seat on the edge of her bed and she swung her legs out to sit next to me. She looked up at me, her eyes wide with surprise and _oh fuck_ was she gonna be trouble. “I’m your protector, remember? That also means helpin’ ya avoid gettin’ on Lucifer’s bad side.”

She wrapped her arms around me in a warm, grateful embrace that felt both welcome and damn near _otherworldly_. I mean, I don’t even _remember_ the last time anyone showed me _sincere_ gratitude, much less...hugged me. Not since…”Hey! No need to make a big deal about it.” She let go of me slowly and I missed it immediately, but I’m not gonna just come out and ask this girl for snuggles, no matter _how good_ they feel. “I’m just helping ya to keep Lucifer off _both_ our backs. Being hung upside down over boilin’ oil ain’t my idea of a good time and I’d like to avoid it whenever possible.”

Hoshi looked at me curiously. “Is that _why_...never mind, it’s silly.”

If it’s about me, I _have_ to know, okay? “S-s-spit it out, human!”

She bit her lip and looked away, kinda bashful-like. “Your hair...it looks _really_ soft. I was thinking maybe your punishment doubles as a hot oil treatment.”

Just the thought of this girl running her soft hands through my hair was enough to set my entire body on fire. But hey, if it helped her to chill the fuck out so I could get back to more important matters, then I _supposed_ I could be inconvenienced. “Y-y-you wanna find out? T-touch away, maybe it’ll help you to think of a s-subject. Just remember, The Great Mammon™ is doing you a favor, so ya better be grateful.”

Her face lit up as she tentatively stroked my hair and MY EYES ROLLED BACK IN MY HEAD LIKE OH FUCK IF I WAS A DOG I WOULD BE KICKIN’ MY DAMN LEG RIGHT NOW. 

_Ahem._

“Let’s see...I don’t think I have enough time to plot out a quarter’s worth of lesson plans for a Psych 101 class, _not_ by this Friday.”

“ _Well_ ,” I groaned, “what else are you good at other than head shrinkin’ and head massages? Because _damn_ , woman. Of course, I don’t think it’s safe for you to demonstrate this on anyone else. The rest of the Devildom ain’t the, uh, _paragons_ of self control that yours truly is.”

Hoshiko hummed to herself, “There’s knife-throwing…”

“Wait, _what_? Are you some kind of assassin? Like do ya squeeze guys to death between your thighs too? Never mind, _don’t_ answer that.”

She giggled. “I trained with a circus in Vienna for class credit. “I’m in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the Deadliest Woman in the World with a Knife. It’s...just _publicity_ really. You’d be surprised how often that’s the case- uh...Mammon?”

“Probably not a good idea, no,” I finally managed to squeak out, shaking myself out of the near catatonic state I’d fallen into. WHERE HAS THIS GIRL BEEN ALL MY LIFE? “Ya pick up any other tricks in the circus? Not that the whole knife-y thing isn’t impressive, for a human. I just want to consider our options. _Your_ options, I mean.”

“I was in gymnastics as a kid, so I also got to train with the acrobats. That was _fun_!”

GORGEOUS AND FLEXIBLE. PINCH ME.

“Considering that devils and angels can _fly_ , that isn’t gonna translate. Maybe we’re looking at this all wrong. You have the opportunity to create something that will give the best impression possible of humanity to, well, _aliens_ , basically.”

“Like the Voyager Golden Record?” she asked.

“ _Sure_ ,” I replied, pretendin’ that I knew what the fuck she was talking about.

Her eyes grew wide as saucers. “Mammon, you’re a _genius_!” she squealed. “I could just _kiss_ you!”

But instead of kissin’ me, she started tappin’ away at her D.D.D. She looked up at me with a smile. “Sorry, I have only two minutes left to submit this!”

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. “Makes no difference to _me_ , human. The Great Mammon™ doesn’t need kisses from humans as a reward or anything. Cash is accepted, though.” 

Hoshiko put down her D.D.D. with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Well, I _was_ hoping to show you my gratitude, O Great Mammon, but since all my money is topside and none of it is in Grimm, the most that this weak human is able to offer in return for your mercy _is_ a kiss, but since you don’t _want_ it-”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Really? That’s _all_ ya got?”

She rolled her eyes at me. “I’m _not_ trading my virginity for what amounts to help with my homework.” Then she returned to her D.D.D. with a shrug. “I guess a humble thank you will _just_ have to suffice.”

I sighed. “The Great Mammon™ accepts your offer.”

She bit her lip. “I’m sorry, but which reward are you speaking of? The Kiss or the The Thank You?”

FUCK. SHE WAS GONNA MAKE ME SAY IT. I growled so low I could barely hear myself, “The _kiss_.”

She smirked at me, the minx. “As you wish,” she whispered, before she pressed her sweet, full, pillow-soft lips to mine. It was all too brief, but probably best that way. Don’t want her getting overconfident, thinking she can just wrap The Avatar of Greed around her cute lil pinky finger.

“What did you choose?” I asked, _maybe_ a little breathlessly.

“Music Appreciation. If my proposal is accepted, will you come?” Hoshiko’s eyes filled with hope and I just-

“All right, human. If it’ll get ya off my back,” I grumbled.

I got up quickly because if I didn’t I would have probably ended up offerin’ to cuddle her all night and NOPE NOPE NOPE NOT WITH A HUMAN WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKIN’ I MIGHT GET COOTIES OR SOME SHIT.

As I started to back away towards the door, I said, “I’ll be by to pick ya up for breakfast and walk ya to school. Good night, Hoshiko.”

After I left her room, I hurried back into mine as fast as I could. Leanin’ against the door to shut it, I grinned like a goddamn fool.

“She thinks I’m cute!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When talking about Levi's possible disorders, I referred extensively to the DSM-V guide here:https://dhss.delaware.gov/dsamh/files/si2013_dsm5foraddictionsmhandcriminaljustice.pdf
> 
> Don't worry. Dr. Tesfaye is gonna diagnose everyone else, too.
> 
> Here's some info on Dragon King!Bakugou: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=dragon+king+bakugou&atb=v143-1&ia=videos This is also thanks to Yagami Yato, as is the reference to Mammon's Super Secret Garden.
> 
> Here is info about the Voyager Golden Record: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voyager_Golden_Record
> 
> The reference to "The Deadliest Woman in the World with a Knife" is a reference to "Pulp Fiction", when Mia Wallace speaks of her role in "Fox Force Five".
> 
> The thigh-crushing assassin reference is to the character Xenia Onatopp in "Goldeneye".


	6. Vibrate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they were getting along so well, too...

**Monday**

**Hoshiko’s POV:**

Levi was bolder than I’d thought he’d be. As Mammon sat on my right side, he whispered in my ear from the left. “Do you know how you’re going to acquire the artifact?”

Obviously that doesn’t mean he was particularly subtle. Behind me, Mammon extended his arm and smacked Levi in the back of the head- ”Ow! What the _fuck_!”-just hard enough to get across that he meant business.

“Hands _off_ ,” he said after pushing the food in his mouth into one cheek.

Levi narrowed his eyes at his older brother. “I didn’t _touch_ her. If anything, YOU’RE too close to Hoshiko.”

Mammon snorted.. “AND ya can keep your mouth at least six inches away from her while you’re at it too, ya _creep_.”

Levi opened his mouth to complain but was interrupted by Satan kicking him under the table. “Come on!”

Satan added a cube of sugar to his tea. “You better do what he says, Levi.”

Mammon grinned from ear to ear. “Did ya hear that? Huh? Respect my authority! _Yeah_!” He stood up and accented the last word with a triumphant hip thrust and I tried not to choke on my food.

Satan rolled his eyes. “Because otherwise, he’s going to be absolutely _insufferable_ for the next year.”

“Hey!” Mammon yelped.

And the 4th brother continued. “So, let’s just try to make the best of a _bad_ situation, shall we?”

I dropped my spoon to my plate with a clatter. Slowly, I turned my face towards the Avatar of Wrath. “So, do you make a habit of being this rude to _all_ your guests, or just the ones who can’t physically go toe to toe with you so you can make up for your feelings of inadequacy? Because excuse the FUCK out of me, your _highness_.” HEY, I _WAS_ BEING NICE. I DIDN’T EVEN TOUCH ON HIS DADDY ISSUES, OKAY?

Everybody froze. Satan narrowed his eyes at me. “ _Watch_ yourself, girl. Your daddy isn’t here to bail you out.”

I stood up and slammed my fist down on the table. “It’s not like it was MY idea to get sucked into another dimension where the inhabitants are liable to EAT me!” _And not in the good kind of way_ , I did not add.

Satan stirred his tea. “Of _course_ it was. You _applied _, didn’t you?”__

__I shook my head slowly. “I never even _heard_ of RAD until yesterday. I was SUPPOSED to go to the Sorbonne in three months! Think about it, I mean I didn’t even have shoes, much less luggage for a year’s stay. I don’t know _why_ I’m here but you don’t see _me_ insulting everyone that comes into my radius, ASSHOLE.”_ _

__Satan stood up abruptly while just as quickly, Mammon took my hand in his and interposed himself between us. “Stand _down_ , little brother.” He turned to me with a sympathetic smile. “Don’t let him get to ya, Hoshi. He’s just gettin’ off on your anger. Like a _perv_.” He smirked. “C’mon, or we’ll be late.”_ _

____

~

“If we’d left any later, I’d have had to fly ya here,” Mammon said as he perused my schedule. “Looks like our days line up. Makes sense, because, ya know, _Protector_.” He started tugging me towards our classroom, but I stopped him.

“Mammon.”

He turned around.

“ _Thank you_ for what you did back there. I-I don’t know what came over me.” I looked down at the floor. “I’m not usually like this.”

He shook his head. “Satan seems real polite and well-mannered on the outside, but he tends to bring the worst out of everyone. It’s not _your_ fault, Hoshi. _None_ of this is.” He stopped suddenly, apparently realizing that he was still holding my hand and dropped it like it was on fire. Blushing and turning away, he continued. “Let’s get to class. I don’t need to get a tardy because some stubby-legged human couldn’t keep up with The Great Mammon™.” HEY, I AM NOT STUBBY I WAS A BALLET DANCER, YOU...BIG...MEANIE.

After he turned his back to me, I stuck out my tongue at him but followed close behind, wishing he hadn’t let go of my hand, despite myself.

~

I spent _most_ of the first class trying to make heads or tails of what the hell was going on, no pun intended. Said first class of the day was one of the required classes, _History of the Devildom_ , and I peered at Mammon out of the corner of my eye. He didn’t _need_ to be here, I mean, he was one of the first of the demons, and as the class clarified, prior to the arrival of him and his brothers, the Devildom was solely populated by, you guessed it, _devils_. So, devils were always devils, while demons were once angels who fell (except for Mr. PoutyFace McDaddyIssues, who is apparently the only demon not to have been an angel first). He _knows_ all this shit. I picked up my D.D.D., chose a screen name, and shot a text to Mammon.

 **Stargirl** has entered the chat.

 **Stargirl:** You don’t have to stay here on my account, Mammon. You lived this, right?

Mammon fortunately had his D.D.D. on vibrate. He pulled it out with a surprised expression that melted into an adorable smile. GODDAMMIT THIS IS WHY I CAN’T HATE YOU.

 **Mammoney** has entered the chat.

 **Mammoney:** Who said I was stayin’ on your account?

I rolled my eyes. So THAT was how it was going to be, huh?

 **Stargirl:** What, can’t get enough of hearing about your glory days, old man? (*・)σσ(*゜O゜)

I heard Mammon choke on a laugh from across the room.

 **Mammoney:** I’ll have ya know I’m in my prime, little girl. (´･ω･`)σ)ω･｀)

 **Stargirl:** Hey! I’m not a little girl, I’m a grown-ass woman.

 **Mammoney:** Ya could have fooled me.

I looked over at him. He was clearly having the time of his life.

 **Stargirl:** You wound me. _|￣|○

 **Mammoney:** That’s right, bow to The Great Mammon, human.

 **Stargirl:** (╯︵╰) Well, if The Great Mammon is so bored at the kiddie table, he can go find something better to do, right?

 **Mammoney:** (ﾉ>｡☆)ﾉ I never said I was bored ( ๑‾̀◡‾́)σ»

 **Stargirl:** So you ENJOY tormenting little girls? You. Monster.

 **Mammoney:** Oh no, you’ve found out my deep dark secret. (ﾟωﾟ；) Guess I’ll have to kill ya.

 **Stargirl:** You going to eat me too?

I stole another glance at Mammon. He was biting his lip and blushing, his finger hovering over the send button.

 **Mammoney:** Yep. Gonna eat ya right up.

It was my turn to bite my lip and hesitate.

 **Stargirl:** Oh, but what a way to go! Being eaten by The Great Mammon? I should be so lucky.

I heard a clatter across the room and it took everything I had not to burst out into hysterical laughter.

The teacher finally noticed that Mammon may not have been paying attention. “Lord Mammon, is there something you would like to share with the class?”

“Nooooope,” he replied. Just accidentally dropped my D.D.D. Won’t happen again.”

The teacher crossed his arms. “Really? Then what were we talking about?”

Oh shit. I never meant for him to get into trouble. _Think fast_!

I groaned loudly, scraping my feet on the underside of my desk. “Ohhhhh it _hurts_!” Mammon’s head snapped in my direction and I winked at him before continuing my charade. After the teacher turned towards me, I moaned, “Please, does this place have a nurse’s office or something?”

The teacher rolled his eyes. “Must be some _human_ ailment. They’re _so_ fragile!” He turned to Mammon. “She’s _your_ responsibility, yes?”

Mammon nodded quickly.

“You got lucky, Lord Mammon. Go on, take her out.” He waved us off.

I milked it for all it was worth. “ _Sooooo_ weak! I-I can’t stand!”

Mammon rolled his eyes and huffed. “All right, I got ya.” He slipped our bags over his shoulder and scooped me up into a bridal carry, then whispered in my ear, "Don't bury yourself in the part." He looked at the teacher. “This could take a while. Could ya email us our assignment just in case she needs to go home?”

The teacher nodded. “Just get out, Mammon.”

Mammon paused. “ _Sorry_?”

The teacher quickly corrected himself. “Lord Mammon.”

And then we left, both of us fighting a giggle fit until we’d gotten into the hall and turned a corner.

~

Mammon kicked the door shut behind us and deposited me on a cot. He was laughing so hard, tears were rolling down his face, and he slid to the floor, his back against the door. When he regained his composure, he looked up at me with a gorgeous smile. “Thanks for that back there. I owe ya one.”

I waved dismissively. “Nonsense. After all, it was _my_ fault you got caught.”

Mammon blushed and he looked down at his D.D.D. as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Hey,” I whispered. “Are we going to get caught in here?”

Mammon looked up quickly. “What? No! Of course not! The Great Mammon™ _always_ knows what he’s doing!”

I rolled my eyes and fell silent for a moment. “So...this is the nurse’s office? It’s very...spartan.”

Mammon chuckled. “That’s because it ain’t a nurse’s office. It’s a Healin’ Room. And it just so happens that _I’m_ a Healer.” He looked down again.

I sat up. “Wait, _really_?”

“Yes, really.” He bit his lip. “It was...one of my _Celestial_ duties. When I was, ya know, an _angel_.” He was whispering now.

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t _pry_ ,” I replied.

“NO!” Mammon exclaimed, a lot louder than I’d have expected him to. “I-I mean, it’s _okay_ if it’s you. J-just don’t go askin’ me this stuff in public. I have a reputation to uphold, ya got it?”

I smiled. “Well, _since_ I got you here... _and_ we’re alone…”

Mammon looked up at me, eyes wide, a furious blush on his face.

I continued, “Do-and I hope I’m not offending you with this question, but-”

“J-just spit it out already!” He hissed, bouncing his leg nervously.

“I’m about to! _Damn_ , boy!” I snickered at his impatience and took a deep breath to steady my nerves... “Do you _miss_ it? Being an angel?”

Mammon looked at me seriously. “Can I tell you somethin’? In the _thousands_ of years since we fell, _nobody_ has ever asked me that question. Y-you’re-” He ran his fingers through his messy platinum blond hair. “You’re the only one. _Ever_.” He cleared his throat. “So...uh, _thanks_ for that.” He cracked his knuckles and took a deep breath. “To answer your question...yes and no. I don’t regret the reason, and I don’t miss the rules, but...I miss people not looking at me like I’m scum. I mean, I AM-”

“No.”

“Ya don’t gotta lie to spare my feelings, Hoshi,” Mammon whispered. “I _know_ what I am.”

I scooted to the floor and sat next to him, drawn to his side like a magnet. “I’m _not_. I mean, _I_ don’t think you’re scum if that means anything to you. And _you_ don’t get to tell me what to think, so there.” I stuck out my tongue and patted his arm. 

When I started to pull it away, he grabbed it right back, looking away. “Y-ya don’t hafta stop.” He grinned brightly. “Tell me _more_ about how great I am.”

I smirked. “ _Maybe_ , if you finish answering my question.”

Mammon sighed, but he was a good sport. “People aren’t usually _happy_ to see a demon unless they’re some weirdos at a death metal concert or a witch tryin’ to extract a favor. But an _angel_...people get all breathless and flustered like you’re their favorite movie star. And I ain’t gonna lie to ya, it’s a feelin’ I _love_ , and I mean I wanted.“ He looked at me like he was peering into my soul. “ _Wanted_ and _desired_.”

It was at this point that I realized I’d been holding my breath. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it. I exhaled. “Thank you for answering my question.”

He nodded. “Now it’s _your_ turn.”

I drew my knees to my chest. “Ask away.”

“Nah, we had a deal,” he said, as a cocky grin spread across his face. “Go back to tellin’ me how great I am.”

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. “Alright, I’ll tell you _one_ thing. When I first saw you, I thought you were an angel. You’re...very _unique_. Different from your brothers. You look like what most humans think angels look like.”

I could almost feel his chest puffing up with pride. I smirked and continued, “ _However_ , after you opened your mouth, well, that’s where the similarity ends.”

Mammon gasped. “Hey! Now my feelings are hurt and you need to make them better.”

Side-eyeing him, I asked, “And what do you propose, O Great Mammon?”

Mammon winked. “Go sit on the cot. You’re too short otherwise.”

When I took my seat, Mammon sat down between my legs with his back to me. “Okay, and just what am I supposed to do?” I asked.

Mammon wiggled in place. “Y-y-ya know. Your thing. The thing ya do. With your hands.”

I snickered. “Mammon-kun, you hardly know _anything_ about me. You don’t know what else I do with my hands. I mean, how do _I_ know-”

Mammon grunted and started to move away, but I stopped him by wrapping one leg across his torso and pulling him back towards me.

I sighed and mussed his hair with a mixture of frustration and affection. “Does the pouty thing work on all the other girls?”

Mammon chuckled. “All that matters to me is that _now_ I know it works on _you_.” I started to pull my leg back, but he stopped me. “How will I know you want me to stay if you don’t keep me in place?” he asked sweetly. Maybe _he_ thought he was fooling me into thinking that he was being smooth, but I saw how his ears started turning red and it made my heart flutter a little.

“Doofus,” I mumbled. I decided to try out a little something my inati used to do for me. She would pretend to crack an egg on my head and use the feather-light touch of her fingertips to mimic the feeling of the egg running down from the top of my skull to my shoulders. “ _Crick_ -” 

As I ran my fingers down over his hair to the back of his neck, Mammon shivered. “What _was_ that?”

“Just a little thing my inati used to do for me when I was little. It’s kind of a warm-up for what’s next.” It was then that I started kneading his neck and shoulders and he...just...went...limp.

Mammon POV:

 _How the hell was this girl still a virgin?_ Mind ya, I ain’t tryin’ to be crass. I mean, it’s practically criminal that no one in all of the Three Realms seems to have picked up on how...amazing this human was, ya know, for a _human_ , by _human_ standards and whatnot. How has _no one_ laid claim to her, made her theirs? SHIT, MAYBE SHE _IS_ AN ASSASSIN. I traced my fingertips lightly along her calf up to her thigh. Hmm... _firm_...but not squeeze-ya-to-death firm. Of course, if she goes working out with Beel, that could change and...well, _what_ a way to go-

“ _What_ are you doing?” Hoshiko interrupted my lil daydream with a tug of my hair and a wary tone.

“I was thinking...I should apologize. These are dancer’s legs. Your legs ain’t stubby. You’re just tiny. A tiny dancer.” _SHIT_.

But Hoshiko beat me to the punch. She started to sing softly as she went back to massaging my shoulders. “Hold me closer, Tiny Dancer…”

I joined in with her, “Count the headlights on the highway…”

“Lay me down in sheets of linen…” we sang together, “You had a busy day today…”

~

**Hoshiko POV:**

We ended up staying in the office until the lunch bell rang. Over lunch, Lord Diavolo took me aside and introduced me to Simeon and Luke, the angel exchange students. Judging from his size and childlike appearance, I guessed that Luke was a cherub. “Must be rough,” I said, crouching to his height.

"W-what are you doing?" Luke cried, his cheeks reddening. "You don't have to crouch down like I'm a child! I'm an adult!"

I shrugged. "I like to look people in the eye when I speak to them."

I started to get up, but he tugged on my sleeve. "W-was there something you wanted to talk to ME about?" Luke whispered.

I nodded, trying to convey sympathy while avoiding pity. “You’re like Claudia in _Interview With a Vampire_. Trapped in a child’s body for all eternity.”

Luke’s eyes widened, and he looked like he was gonna cry. “ _Most_ people make fun of me.”

I frowned. “And I’m guessing that as an angel, you’re not allowed to fight back because it could...cause problems between the Celestial Realm and the Devildom. Am I right?” He nodded. “You have my contact info on your D.D.D., yes?” He nodded again silently. “Anytime that happens, just text me, okay? Humans are the bridge, and there will be fewer consequences for me than for you.”

Luke cleared his throat. “T-that’s very kind, but I don’t want you to get _killed_ on my account.”

I smiled at him. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a guardian... _demon_.”

Simeon seemed to be getting impatient. “Are you _done_ down there?”

He may have been an angel, but I know a guy who thinks he’s hot shit when I see one (he is indeed hot, but he was being rude). “Oh, I beg your pardon, Simeon,” I said as I stood to my full height (such as it is). “I didn’t mean to deprive you of the constant stream of admiration and awe you’re likely accustomed to.” I winked at him, which only seemed to set him even more off balance. _Good. Good._

Luke covered his mouth to suppress a laugh. Lord Diavolo looked both shocked and amused. Simeon blushed. I stuck out my hand to shake his, grinning brightly. “I apologize for my curt demeanor. You see, where I come from, it’s _rude_ to interrupt people having a conversation. Are the rules _different_ in the Celestial Realm? You know, in case, by some FLUKE I end up there too?” 

Simeon’s mouth dropped. Luckily, someone tapped me on the shoulder to interrupt the tension. “May I borrow Hoshiko? I want to have a chat with my fellow human exchange student.” I turned around.

I took stock of my ‘fellow human’. He was handsome enough, smooth-skinned with not a wrinkle in sight. His white-blond hair was similar to Mammon’s, only neater, and he had a smile that did not reach his eyes, which were the only part of him that seemed out of place. This was an _old_ soul. 

Lord Diavolo clapped a hand on my shoulder. “As long as she doesn’t mind.”

“Careful, she _bites_ ,” Simeon murmured.

The human took my hand in his and kissed my knuckles, before taking a sweeping bow. “Solomon at your service,”

“Enchanté.” I blushed. “No last name? Like Madonna?” I asked.

Solomon nodded and led me to a more secluded corner of the cafeteria. “It’s a pleasure to _finally_ meet you. You’ve already got _quite_ the reputation.” I JUST GOT HERE YESTERDAY, HOW-oh.

“So, are you THE Solomon?” I asked, “The Sorcerer King from the Bible? I _mean_...” I gestured around us at the already ludicrous being a reality. 

“Now, wouldn’t that be _ridiculous_?” He chuckled, again. “I’d have to be several thousand years old. _Surely_ I don’t look _that_ decrepit, do I?” He winked. 

I smiled. “Oh, I don’t know. If real magic is anything like Dungeons & Dragons, then a wizard or sorcerer of a sufficient level only needs a Wish spell to gain eternal youth.” 

He was quiet for a moment. “It’s not the same... _exactly_.” 

“What, no Magic Missile? And here I thought I was disappointed when I found out Harrison Porter wasn’t real!” I replied with a giggle. 

“If you like...I could _tutor_ you, as it were.” He paused thoughtfully. “I’m teaching an elective that you’re already on the roster for, though I don’t know how useful it would be to you if you don’t...have...any…” He was staring deeply into my eyes at this point. “Magical abilities.” 

“I would be _delighted_ ,” I replied. “You may want to plan for a plus one, though, because-” 

A cheerful voice rang out behind us. “Hey, Hoshi!”

It was Mammon, who gently, but firmly rested his hand on top of my shoulder. “Solomon, ya got _business_ with Hoshiko?” 

Solomon’s lips twitched. “I was _just_ leaving. I’ll send you a text to set up our lessons sometime, Hoshiko.” 

I waved after him, “Looking forward to it!” I turned around and looked at Mammon, who was avoiding eye contact with me. 

“Are ya _okay_ , Hoshi? Was that creep botherin’ ya?” He put his other hand on my other shoulder and finally managed to look into my face. 

I beamed up at him and he blushed, sliding his hands down my arms to my wrists. I wriggled a little bit so he would be holding my hands instead and he blushed even harder. “I’m alright. We were just discussing extra magic lessons and _don’t worry_ , I told him to expect a plus one-” 

Mammon fidgeted a little. 

“Am I making you uncomfortable, Mammon?” He shook his head. “What’s _wrong_?” 

He looked over my head and past me, narrowing his eyes. “I don’t _trust_ that guy. Anyone who’s got 72 pacts, includin’ with Asmo and fuckin’ _Barbatos_ is up to some _shady_ shit. I just-” He bit his lip. “I just don’t want ya to get caught up in anythin’ dangerous.” 

My heart soared. Maybe he really does like me! I winked at him and smiled. “Aw, Mammon. I didn’t know you cared!” 

“I-I _don’t_!” he said, dropping my hands and looking away. “I just...don't want anythin’, especially a _dumb human_ , puttin’ the program in danger.” He ran his fingers through his hair and tugged a little bit. “Lucifer would have my hide.” 

The bell signaling the return to classes rang shrilly. _Why...why does it hurt_? Without another word, I turned on my heel and started walking away towards Simeon’s _Observation and Creative Writing_ classroom. 

“Hey!” Mammon called after me, but this time I wasn’t turning around. 

_If he’s going to keep this up, fine! Let him stew a little._ I wiped away a stray tear and shook my head. _Stupid. What was I thinking?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tiny Dancer" belongs to Elton John and Bernie Taupin. 
> 
> Interview with The Vampire was written by Anne Rice.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously the Demon Bros don't belong to me, but to Solmare Inc. Hoshiko Tesfaye belongs to me, though. Any reference to people, places, or things whether fictional or non-fictional is for my (and hopefully the readers') amusement and is not intended to infringe on any copyrights and shit. There may be elements that I borrow from other fics and headcanons, but I will try to keep it to a minimum and credit when applicable. 
> 
> Thanks to Tumblr's
> 
> [Thalfox](https://thalfox.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [obeymeimagines](https://obeymeimagines.tumblr.com/)
> 
> and
> 
> [obeymeimaginesandasks](https://obeymeimaginesandasks.tumblr.com/)
> 
> up front.
> 
> A special thank you goes out to Yagami Yato for the
> 
> [amazing Mammon ASMR](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaRVUNjdrSA)  
> that was the final catalyst that brought this into being.
> 
> A grateful and girl-crushy shout out to Instagram's  
> [uniquesora](https://www.instagram.com/uniquesora/)  
> on whom my MC is physically based. I hope my descriptions convey flattery rather than creepiness. 
> 
> Thank you to Twitter's @bart_nir for your generous feedback. 
> 
> Thank you to my little sister, mi corazon Luvia for the encouragement and for being my biggest cheerleader.
> 
> This is Part 1 of a four part work (and a nutritious breakfast). I will update tags and characters as applicable to each part. For example, Belphie doesn't show up until Part 2.
> 
> Chapter 1 Notes: References to The Princess Bride are an homage, not the result of a crossover (They simply have not named enough locations in the official game canon, so nyah)


End file.
